Tell me, Maa

Ma,

When I think of you,

I think of all the happy things

In the world

Teddy bears, warm hugs

And rainbows

Tell me, ma

Would you accept me

If I told you

That rainbow was my flag?

Ma,

I think about the time

When I told you

About my closeted friend

And I remember how your smile

Turned upside down

As you labelled him to be

‘Filthy’

You stopped humming

The song

That I wrote for you

Tell me, ma

Is being yourself filthy?

Ma,

I think about the time

When I was coming out to you

And you deemed it to be

Unnatural

Your eyes lost their spark

And your body went numb

Ma, I’ve been silent for so long

That I can’t seem to

Find my voice now

Tell me, ma

Do you hear my hauntingly existential cry for approval?

Ma,

I have so much to tell you ;

My first kiss

How her lips tasted of vanilla ice cream

Which we ordered for dessert

My first date

How I swallowed a Xanax

To calm myself down

My first crush

How her smile

Gave me butterflies

I’ve saved this

For the day

When you’ll take pride in me

Tell me, ma

Does loving a girl

Make you love me

Any less?

Ma,

I love a girl

She smells of

Fresh lemons and soap

Her eyes are blue

Which give me hope

Let’s invite her home

Someday

She wants to cook dinner

For you

Using your recipes

Tell me, ma

If I write you a song,

Do you promise to sing along?

-Priyamvada Rajpal

Instagram ID: @_priyarajpal