Better Late Than Never

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTION OF S*LF H*RM

I’m sorry but I didn’t know better.

I was just 11 when I got my periods. No one was even talking about it.

I didn’t know any better than to just consider myself nothing more than an odd sheep.

I was just 12 when my teacher called me heartless for not understanding the meaning of death. Was made fun of for months.

I didn’t know any better than to sit and listen to all that.

I was just 13 when my stretch marks started showing up. Ain’t no other kid had them.

I didn’t know any better than to think of myself as a mere cursed one.

I was just 14 when people decided that I was too fat for their liking.

I didn’t know any better than to think that it was my fault and not theirs.

I was just 15 when I started cutting my skin. Slicing and dicing it like a vegetable, every day.

I didn’t know any better than to punish myself for some thing that wasn’t my fault to begin with.

I was just 16 when I had my first heart break. It shredded my heart into a million pieces.

I didn’t know any better than to think of myself as too broken to be loved.

I am 17 and I know better. I know periods are normal, I can speak up for myself, stretch marks can’t change who I am, fat isn’t ugly, cutting wasn’t the right way to vent my feelings and I do deserve to be loved unconditionally.

So even though it might be a little late but better late than never. I’m really sorry for treating myself the way I did and I promise to never do it again.

-Kajal Lochab

Instagram:@kajal_lochab